Many think about Lent in terms of giving up something. Usually we think of something we would be better off without anyway – like sugar, nicotine, caffeine, etc. Kind of like a New Year’s Resolution – only for 40 days and not a whole year. (Maybe that should tell us something!) Fasting may be a good place to start. I don’t know if Lent is really about our taste buds, though. Sometimes instead of giving up something, we add more to our already busy schedule – more exercise, more cleaning, more letters written, etc. That might not be the best way to enter Lent either.
Maybe Lent could be more like a retreat – a time to get away from our busy lives and deepen our awareness of God and to discover ourselves. When we discover God, we discover God’s Love. Or rather we discover Loving. A bishop told me once that God is a Verb – not a thing! Lent is a time to get away, like Jesus did to think, to pray and to be still. Maybe God is what moves our hearts and heals our wounds. I was at a baby shower last week in L.A. where my daughter lives and told them to tell their child that they love him every day – if necessary use words. Of course, it’s a preparation for something, too. Lent has been referred to as a communal retreat for Christians. We are getting ready for Holy Week and Easter. Certainly, we in recovery have been called back to life and freed from the bondage of our addiction.A danger exists for some of us – we can get lost in our heads if we’re not careful. There’s an old saying, “My mind is a dangerous place to go alone.” So perhaps Lent is not a time to get our heads lost in the clouds, but rather to come down to earth and look at who we are and what our needs are all about. Our spirituality is less about finding God on some mountaintop than finding God in our own hearts.
When Jesus went into the desert to pray, he experienced the three temptations which are basic to all humans. We experience the same temptations, or needs, today – for security, for power or control, and for affection or esteem. If we can’t identify our needs and take care of them in healthy ways, we are liable to take care of them in unhealthy ways. That’s part of our humanness, too.
Most of us are probably familiar with the hierarchy of needs Maslow described – the need for food, security, love and nurturing, achievement, and self-esteem.
However, many of us develop some unhealthy needs along the way. They include – the need to know, to explain, to be right, to get even, to look good, to judge, to keep score, to feel comfortable, to be entertained, to feel important and to be in control. Maybe we can learn to let go of them.
Lent is a time to look at temptation and needs and at the struggles we encounter in recovery. Those struggles and needs are what call us to escape from ourselves and from God. Where do we go? For most of us, it’s the comfortable and familiar places we’ve been before, even though we say we don’t like being there – alcohol, food, power, sex, busy-ness, “over-doing,” the internet (or, as mentioned above, movies, TV, etc.). Some of us escape into our unresolved feelings – rage, shame, depression and so on.
Temptation often comes through our emotions. Especially shame, fear, hurt and anger. . Even though they’ve been with us all of our lives, we have tried to ignore them through repression, rationalization and, of course, denial. A member of a religious community told me once that, “our feelings were removed in formation.” Hmm! Maybe that is true for many of us who were told “there’s nothing to be afraid of” or don’t cry or I’ll give you something to cry about.”
Others have commented that whole cultures are shame based. Certainly, people say that about Catholics – and some other religions, too.
Maybe Lent should be leading us into life, rather than leading us away from life. Maybe Lent is more important than giving up candy or engaging in more rituals. Rituals are very important in the life of the church. I do not mean to minimize their tremendous importance and value. (The classic Lenten rituals: Prayer, Fasting, and Almsgiving.)
But rituals can also be used as an escape. Sometimes we are good at using rituals to feel good. We scratch the surface with the “feel good” emotions and avoid getting to our core issues.
Someone told me recently that they only have one expectation of life – and that is that they are never uncomfortable. “Our discomfort can a symptom of something deeper – or it can just be part of life. I’m not aware of any family that does not have problems. Not a job either. Our Buddhist friends tell us that life is painful – we do well to accept it and learn to deal with it. Fasting and rituals are a good start to Lent. But Lent isn’t about taste buds or smells and bells.
Fasting and rituals are good if they lead to a real transformation and to genuine changes in our life. Perhaps Lent should be more of a time of listening and searching and less for busy-ness. Maybe it would be a healthy practice during Lent to sometimes participate in community activities and give others a chance to lead.
I really don’t want to minimize the importance of fasting and other rituals – or other disciplines. They are very important. They teach us about poverty. They show us how cluttered our lives are with too many things and activities. They can show us how we need to move from power and control and comfort to being spiritually empty and needy so God can fill us with Love. As we experience giving up things and behaviors, we learn how power exists in our lives, which can sometimes lead us to false gods. Re-read “The Little Prince” this Lent to hear about how “busy” and “important” grown-ups can think they are while they are really missing life.
Perhaps this Lent – more than years before – should be about looking at the effect the world has had on us. We have been surrounded by violence and are still embroiled in scandal. We are still involved in a foreign war again. There is hunger and violence in every city. It’s hard to turn on TV without hearing political anger and corporate sin.
Even the Church needs healing, as do those of us who call Her our “Home.” We all have unfinished business from childhood all the way adulthood. We are often pushed in many directions at once. There is a terrible stress on all of us. We can easily become isolated from others. Perhaps during Lent we can be more attentive to relationships rather than living in the stand-in-line-and-take-a-number world.
Church is best when we are involved in some kind of activity that takes us out of our daily routines (rituals) and into helping others – not just sending a check.
As I have listened to people around the country, I have found many to be in pretty good shape. I have also found a lot of woundedness and anger and hurt and confusion. Sometimes the “good shape” and the “wounding” are in the same place.
Redemption, in modern terms is perhaps about wholeness and health of body, mind and spirit. Perhaps it would be good to focus on those during Lent. How are we caring for the body God gave us? Most of us need some improvement in that area – not just during Lent, but as part of a longer journey. Sometime we invite and entertain irrational thoughts and expectations of ourselves and of others. So, what’s going on in our heads? Those attitudes and thinking habits can probably stand some work. Spiritually, perhaps it would help to just be still and listen for a while – focusing on God’s Love. God lives in our hearts. Perhaps it would be good to move from our heads (words and rituals) to our hearts during this time of community retreat.
We are a family – in our church – and in our homes. Yet there are many who are isolated. How about if we talk WITH each other and LISTEN TO Each other? No phones, no computers, no TV. Do you know how recently the world became so loud? Some of us Older folks can remember a much quieter world – maybe a RETREAT into that would really be something??
Perhaps there is no better time than Lent to look at the gift of Our Lives and to see where we have come from and where we are going. How have we received the gift and grace of life? What are we doing, or not doing, to cherish this gift? How are we sharing the gift? What would strengthen us?
In the end, maybe the most important thing we can do for Lent is to just let God love us! For many of us, finding ways to let God love us would make this the best Lent we have ever experienced. “Be still and know….”
~ By Bob Martin
